Broken
by WolverinesDarlin
Summary: Garrus is afraid of living without Shepard... again. When the Collector Mission doesn't go as planned and there was nothing Garrus could do, he remembers the good times and tries to figure out what to do. One thing is for sure, Garrus loves Shepards laugh


My VERY first songfic. *nervous and wringing hands like Tali* I'm nervous as hell. I mean I like… I don't know how to do it. So I'm like "I'm gonna fail I'm gonna fail I'm gonna fail…. I'M GONNA FAIL!" *Breathing deeply* Okay… okay…. Here goes…. *Starts typing*

Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect its characters… or this song.

P.S. I don't' think this is really gonna be a song fic… I guess it depends. I- forget it. We'll see. Just… read it…. Send me a message or review or whatever… tell me what I should do.

MassEffect

Garrus looked at the picture on Shepard's desk. It was a group picture, of Tali, Shepard, Joker, Doctor Chakwas, and himself. It was taken on the SR-2 Normandy all of them around Joker's new chair with EDI flashing next to them.

Joker of course was in the seat with Chakwas on his left, Tali was on the right of Joker and Shepard and himself were both in back her on the left him on the right.

He smiled. Shepard was laughing hysterically. She had stolen Joker's hat right before the picture and had put it on her head. Joker was looking up and demanding she give it back. Everyone had looked to see the commotion so nobody was even looking at the camera.

Tali was turned, Chakwas was smiling and looking at Joker, saying something. Shepard herself was laughing and holding her head up in triumph.

He really loved the way she laughed.

It wasn't a sharp laugh like people would assume she had from the way she talked or held herself. It wasn't obnoxious… it was cute. Bubbly… feminine. He couldn't really describe it, she just had such a beautiful laugh.

Shepard had told him once that she loved his voice, that she could listen to him talk for hours on end and never be bored. Well he could listen to her laugh for twice as long.

He looked at the picture again, he remembered when they had taken this picture. It was right after they had picked up Tali. Shepard was so happy to have them all with her. They were missing only two old crew members now, but she couldn't be happier.

She had been so happy, she had grabbed her old camera and made them all huddle around Joker. He had feigned a pout and put up a "fight" but they all knew he was more than happy to do it. He was just as happy as any of them.

He focused in on Shepard again, she looked so happy, laughing and smiling, playing around. He was glad she could have those moments. That she didn't always have to be serious, or worried about what was to come. That she could have those moments where the Collectors and Reapers were in the back of her mind, where all that mattered was having fun and taking a picture with her friends with a camera she had since she was 5.

What killed him now was that she couldn't have any of those moments anymore. She couldn't mess around with Jokers precious hat. She couldn't get drunk with Chakwas in the infirmary, couldn't laugh with her friends anymore. He would never hear her laugh again. She was gone.

He picked up the picture from her desk and took it with him as he went back down to the Main Battery.

MassEffect

"_C'mon Shepard!" Garrus shouted. Shepard was running as fast as she could, relying solely on Thane, Joker and himself to cover her back as she ran to the Normandy. _

_He pulled out his sniper rifle to deal with the Collectors that were running after Shepard, shooting at her as she ran._

"_Shepard c'mon!" Joker yelled. Joker was just as nervous as he was. They couldn't lose her again._

_Suddenly a large piece off debris fell on top of the small platform that had provided a bridge for Thane and himself. It knocked the entire platform away, there was now a gigantic gap between the last platform and the Normandy._

"_Crap! Shepard run!" Shepard was getting closer. Bullets were starting to hit the side of the Normandy now instead of only focusing on the Commander. _

_Shepard ran full speed to the end of the last platform and jumped, Garrus' heart leapt into his throat as he watched. As the humans would say, "he crossed his fingers", and prayed she would make it._

_And she almost did but not quite. She managed to grab hold of the side and was dangling from the side of the Normandy._

"_Shepard." Than reached out his hand and she grabbed hold of it. Joker was still covering and was taking the right side of the doorway up and Thane was holding up the left side… giving Garrus no room to help pull her up. The best he could do was provide cover still. _

…_.._

_Things were going in slow motion, but even then they were still running out of time. Joker looked to where Thane was trying to help the Commander up and then to Garrus who looked very frustrated at how things were playing. The thing that was eating at Joker was that one: If they lost the Commander again he knew that Garrus wouldn't be able to take that again, neither would he. Losing the Commander for a second time would tear them up._

_And two: The Collector Base was still exploding. He kept firing at the oncoming Collectors keeping them away from the Normandy, suddenly Garrus yelled out in pain. Joker turned to where Garrus had been standing only to find that he wasn't there anymore instead he was on the floor, looking at his shoulder. He was bleeding pretty bad. The bullet had ripped right through his shields and armor._

…

"_Garrus," Joker started._

"_I'm fine. It's nothing." Garrus got back up and moved for the right side of the door, Joker had moved away from it to see him, and it provided a chance to help Shepard. He reached out his hand to her but was rudely reminded of his new injury in his left shoulder. _

_He looked at Shepard and tried to push past the pain but before he could reach his hand back out she looked him right in the eye and said, "I'll miss you"_

_And just like that she was gone. She fell down down and down. Never to be seen again. _

MassEffect

It was at that point he wished she hadn't blown the hell hole to hell. If she hadn't, maybe Cerberus could have found her… then rebuilt her again. He could still have her then.

He looked to the picture he had taken from her room, in that frozen moment it kept her here, even if it was just for a moment, a quick flash of her in his memory.

The picture served its purpose well.

It kept her with him for small moments, and that's all he really needed. If he couldn't have her next to him… then that was enough.

He couldn't think straight or work right. He felt he should join the rest of the crew in mourning… maybe go be with Tali… or SOMEBODY… to properly mourn the loss of the amazing women… but he was just too tired, and emotional. He knew if he went out there he would simply lose it.

He sat down in front of the crate that Shepard had sat on so many times before. He smiled at their talk about tie breakers and leaned his back against the small thing.

"_Didn't know you'd feel like sparring Commander."_

"_I was thinking we'd go straight for the tie breaker…" she said huskily, "We'd test your reach… and my flexibility…." She smiled flirtatiously. _

Garrus shook his head amusedly at the memory, he missed her. It had been 2 days and he missed her like crazy. She used to visit every day, after every mission. Even if it was a small one, like a "loyalty mission" as she would call it. She would always visit, and just talk with him.

For those doors not to open at that moment made him lonesome, it didn't FEEL right.

It was like being on this ship was… pointless. Without Shepard there it wasn't right. Just like before. Without Shepard the universe wasn't right, it was just wrong without her. When Amy Shepard is gone…. Things are broken, HE was broken.

He becomes broken when she's away.

He sighed. And closed his eyes. Praying that this was all a dream, that he'll wake up and Shepard will be in front of him smiling. Gently scolding him for working too hard, and ask him to sleep in a bed…

MassEffect

Garrus looked around, he was sitting on the ground and leaning against a crate in the Main Battery.

"EDI, time please."

"The time is 10:30p.m. Zulu Time, Officer Vakarian."

"Thank you." Garrus got up from his seat on the floor. _Really must have needed sleep, I haven't slept that long in ages._

"Logging you out."

He opened the door and started making his way to the mess. What he found was… strange. Not only was everyone smiling and laughing… but nobody seemed distressed. It wasn't like everyone was there getting each other to smile and laugh to help one another, but it was more of a regular day. With everyone in their small groups talking about this or that; most of them how Shepard creamed the Collectors and kicked ass, others were about the oncoming Reapers.

He looked around, he couldn't believe it, it was like Shepards' death never happened.

He walked to the elevator and went down to the main deck.

As soon as he stepped out of the elevator, "Commander Shepard would like to see you, Garrus." Kelly greeted.

Garrus stared at her for a long while before turning back to the elevator and heading for the Captain's Cabin.

The elevator reached the level and dinged to the arrival but he couldn't move to the door. He was scared. Shepard died in front of him… in a matter of speaking. How could she be here? Talked about as if…?

He took a deep breath and walked to the door but didn't open it. _Maybe her death was a nightmare… or maybe this is a dream… ONE of them was a dream. I guess I have to figure out which is which… _he raised his hand to open the door, _please let her being dead be the nightmare… let her alive be reality… please._

Just as he was about to open the door it opened on itself, revealing Shepard.

"Garrus! I was just about to get you myself."

He couldn't' respond. She looked radiant, as if she was glowing. She looked peaceful, happy… Her hair was down, and she looked, in human standards, beautiful in her tank top and shorts. To a turian she was foreign, but she was also fascinating. What he found amazing is that Shepard was hardly ever put off by the difference in species. She had never looked at him differently than other humans even. To her they were all equal, that just made her even more amazing than she already was.

"Heeeelllloooooo, Garruuuus. Anybody home?" She was smiling radiantly and waving her surprisingly petite hand in front of his face.

"Hm, yah. I'm home. How are you?"

"Thrilled. We kicked Collector ass." She paused and moved out of the way of the door, "You wanna come in?"

He just nodded his head numbly. _Please be reality, please be reality, please be real – _

"You want a drink?"

"Uhm, no I'm fine. Thanks." He was hardly speaking to her, _it's only a matter of time before she says something._

"Garrus… you know the worst is over now, you… WE can breathe again." _Man he called that. _"Don't be so tense." She said lightly.

He sighed. "I know I just… I'm nervous."

"I still make you that nervous? Even after our lovely time together before the Collectors?" She asked… seductively?

"Well no… I mean yes… no… that's not what I was…." he put his hand on his forehead. "I don't know. I'm tired."

Shepard put down her glass of wine and walked over to him and took his hand. They walked over to her couch and sat down.

They sat next to each other, she nestled herself under his arm on his left side, he winced at the pain that went through it. He had forgotten about being shot. _Wait… what does that mean…. I'm feeling… can you feel in dreams. _He got excited. _I don't think so…. This has to be reality. _

He looked over to the picture on her desk, it was the same as the one he had taken earlier. He got up, and walked over to the desk and picked up the picture. He focused in on her face again taking in her smile and recalling her laugh.

Shepard came up next to him, looping her arms around his left arms and laying her head on his shoulder. A small amount of pain coursed through him and then died away.

"I love that picture." She said quietly.

"Me too." He agreed, nodding his head absentmindedly. "Joker and his hat. I'll never understand such attachment to non-living things."

Shepard laughed, he loved that. "Garrus, you understand exactly how Joker feels about his hat!" She laughed again and shook her head and looked up at him, her arms staying in place.

"Do not, I…"

"Two words, four syllables… Sniper Rifle."

"I… but…. Joker… it's different…." He stammered.

She laughed again. This must be the best day of his life, hearing her laugh like that over and over was like a dream come true. _Not that this is a dream… this is…. reality… _

"It's not different." She giggled. "It's exactly the same."

"Is not." He mumbled as he put the picture back in its place. He was grateful for the usual play banter.

She laughed again. "You are so stubborn, but I guess I can't complain… being stubborn is exactly why you are still here with me…"

Seeing that this was gonna get gloomy fast, and he wanted happy stuff, even for a little while longer he changed the subject.

"Hey Shepard?"

"Yah"

"I love the way you laugh."

She laughed again, "Why thank you. Where did that come from?"

"You told me that you loved my voice… well I love your laugh."

They were back on the couch, silent for a while leaving Garrus time to think about what is happening, he genuinely hoped that this moment would never fade.

"Garrus…"

"Hm?"

"Uhm, I'm really glad you're here. I can't imagine not having you here during all this. It's great to have everyone else here too, but having you here…. It makes all this possible for me to do. I'd be so lost without you here to have my six."

"I've got your back…. always."

"I know. That's why I love you."

Garrus smiled, "I love you too Shepard. I can't imagine life without you either. I'd be empty and broken without you."

"Oh Garrus." She leaned back up and looked him in the eye. "Don't say that. I'd never be able to bear it knowing that if anything was to happen to me you would be gone again."

"Shepard, life without you is awful, not only for me but for the whole universe. Everything is wrong and broken without you."

"Garrus… I need you to promise me something."

"Yes?"

"If anything is to ever happen to me, promise me that you'll work to be alright. I'm not telling you to forget me or not to feel loss… I just need you to promise me it won't be like the first time. That you won't lose yourself." She put a hand on his face. "I need to know… that you'll be alright without me."

"I'll miss you…. but… IF anything is to happen… I'll work not to lose myself like the last time."

"Promise?"

Garrus looked her in the eye, afraid of making a promise he couldn't keep.

"Promise."

He watched as she smiled, and seemed to glow even more than before.

He felt her trace the scars on his face.

He was about to say something when pain erupted in his shoulder, causing him to yell out in pain.

Her smiled faded, "Garrus. What's wrong?" She looked frightened.

"My shoulder." He gasped, his shoulder was on fire. "It hurts like crazy!" he gripped it in an attempt to make the pain go away.

Gently and tenderly she took his hand away from his shoulder and pressed both of her hands around his shoulder.

Slowly but soothingly the pain subsided, soon there was no pain at all. Not even a small amount remained.

"How's that?" She asked.

He looked between her and his shoulder for a bit. "How…?"

"Just remember your promise. Okay?"

"Okay…. But how did you…"

"Garrus?" She raised a single finger to his lips. "Sometimes it's better just to wait and see. Answers come in time. Not everything is instantaneous." She lowered her hand once more she held both of his hands with hers and smiled.

"I love you." She stood from the couch and leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Don't you break that promise now." She released his hands and walked to the door leading to the elevator. He got up to follow.

The door closed right before he got to it, separating them for a moment before he reopened it, but once he did she was gone, but the elevator was still there, it had never left. She had vanished.

He looked around the room and the elevator cab, not seeing any sign of her. He was about to check the rest of her room when suddenly he was engulfed in black and the last thing he remembered was the sound of her laughter.

MassEffect

Garrus jerked awake.

Thane was in front of him. "What are you doing here?" He growled, debating on whether or not he should throw the frog face across the room or not.

"I had come to see you. To apologize in my failure to save Commander Shepard. When I got here though… you were asleep on your side. You looked to be in pain, then I remembered your injured shoulder. So I helped you sit back up."

Garrus was confused. He looked around, he was in the Main Battery sitting up against the crate… the group picture was still on the console… he had fallen asleep, he had been dreaming. "Damn it." He muttered.

Then he remembered that in his dream how his shoulder had been bothering him. He must have registered the pain from sleeping on it in his mind but not have woken to help it. And when Shepard "healed" it, it was actually Thane when he sat him back up so that there wasn't any more pressure on his shoulder.

He was living in a nightmare, and had been dreaming of Shepard being alright.

Garrus stood up abruptly and went over to the console, ignoring Thane all the while.

"I am sorry…" Thane said quietly.

"Sorry doesn't bring her back." he growled.

"I'm…. I know." Garrus turned around to face him, the drell closed his eyes and when he opened them they were all black. "Shepard holds on for her life, I bend down to help her. Bullets hitting random places around us. I have a hard time pulling her up. She's slipping. She says something. She slips from my grasp. I lose her to the darkness. I failed her."

Garrus growls. "I was there! I don't need you to remind me of her death." He contemplates punching the sorry excuse of any man through a wall. He clenched his fist but when he looked into the drells eyes he unclenched his fist. He turned and face the console again.

Garrus sighed when he remembered what Shepard had said.

"_Revenge doesn't make you feel better about yourself. It doesn't fix anything. And it doesn't make anything better, it just makes you feel more empty than before."_

"_This isn't like you."_

"_I don't want to lose you to the mercenaries… or your demons."_

"_Promise me you won't lose yourself…"_

Garrus punched the console, "Damn you Shepard." He breathed.

"Thane. It wasn't your fault. What happened to Shepard…. It wasn't your fault. You don't need to apologize… but I understand if you feel the need to. So I…. I forgive you Thane."

Garrus turned around to face him, "Thank you Garrus."

Garrus nodded, not trusting himself to keep it at that. Thane bowed slightly and seeing that he was no longer wanted… not that he ever was, he turned and left for the Life Support room.

Garrus sighed and then figured he needed a shower. He turned and left for the men's shower room.

He turned on the water and locked the shower room door. He started taking off his clothes off tenderly making sure not to disturb his shoulder. When not even a small amount of pain came he became curious. He looked at his torso in the mirror… and gasped at the sight.

His shoulder was completely healed. Not even a scar remained of the bullet hole, there was nothing. He was…. healed.

MassEffect

Garrus took the photo in his hands and sat down on the crate. The shower wasn't nearly as relaxing as he thought it would have been, but knowing that his shoulder was healed…

He stared at Shepards' face and sighed. He closed his eyes and imagined her face and he laugh… her voice. He focused on his favorite memories of her.

Times before her death, like when she came limping out of the rubble of the Citadel, a crazy smile on her face. When she took the Mako out on a joy ride with him, and ended up flipping it over. When he saw her for the first time on Omega, she looked like an angel. When she denied him a clear shot at Sidonis, and had that stubborn ass look in her eyes.

His mandibles flared.

When she flirted with him in this very room.

He opened his eyes and looked at the photograph. He smiled,

_I'll keep your photograph and I know it serves me well._

MassEffect

Okay… good not good? I tried. Don't forget this is like my FIRST songfic…. So…

Any questions? Cus I know it might have been kinda confusing. Send me a message if you're confused. Don't forget to review and tell me if I did alright… or if I did horrible.


End file.
